A brand new version of me

I’m a huge Alicia Keys fan – a massive one. I think she’s beautiful, talented and writes wonderful songs.

What has this got to do with anything I hear you ask?

Well, this post has been inspired by the title of her latest song Brand new me(not necessarily the lyrics) and the fact that friends of mine have said recently that they saw me as the kind of girl who would go back to work say four or five months into this maternity leave lifestyle.

Before the arrival of our gem-of-a-daughter, (aka Gem) I possibly thought I was that kind of girl to be honest. The kind to not see the point in taking the full year off, the kind to get back in the game of earning and looking to be on that next fantastic project, next bonus and so forth. A year or so ago, I was very certain that I wouldn’t be able to do the SAHM thing for very long at all. I thought I’d hate not earning the full whack of my salary and I’d feel bad that ❤Throb was the main person bringing most of the money in etc etc.

Fast forward 8 months or so and things are definitely not so black and white.

Being able to hang out with our daughter over this period is a privilege and I see it as that and want to get the absolute best out of this period of my life.

In saying this though, I do know with more certainty now that I’m not cut out for the 100% SAHM gig and that’s why I know I’ll eventually go back to work.

I’ve got nothing against the SAHM – quite the opposite – I admire her as I believe it’s wonderful to be able to spend time fully raising a human being. It’s just not where I personally think I’ll be able to fully realise my potential. In addition, I want Gem to see me going to work and learn that from me as her mummy.

I will go back to work because I want brain stimulation, miss my friends at work and sometimes looking after a child can get extremely mundane – see this old post. However, the new version of me wants to channel some of my drive towards my family.

I’m surprised at how much I’ve changed, how different things are now more important to me and how I don’t feel that killer drive to fight for that next promotion.

Only time will tell if I’ll always feel this way. In the meantime however, I’ll enjoy being a SAHM, wear my apron with pride and get that pork crackling or Annabel Karmel recipe done to perfection.

I don’t want to miss this time wishing I had enjoyed it more, did more stuff etc. The brand new me appreciates that living each moment to the fullest is the only way to fully live.

xxx

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