Mummyland – the need to show up, be honest and support each other

Not only has blogging been an extremely cathartic learning experience for me, I’ve been able to come across some bloggers that just get it!!

I stumbled on the Mummykindness blog – through Brit Mums and it has really opened my eyes to the need for kindness and honesty as a mum. Kindness and honesty to other mums and most of all to myself.

Some of the issues that crossed my mind as I read Rachel’s (of mummykindness) posts include the following:

Diversity
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Although we live in multi-cultural London, living where we do, I have found it hard as a black mum. I say this because there aren’t many like me or like my Gem-of-a-daughter.

Most of the mums I’ve met at baby massage, rhymetime, mini-mozart, mummy-baby cinema etc will never face some of my issues like – weaning with African food, ear-piercing, braiding my daughter’s hair right etc. I know they have their own specific issues so I’m not underestimating them. I also know we share a lot so I’m just acknowledging that there is a difference.

There is a need for support for ethnic minority mums in the form of post-natal groups, baby groups etc. The fact that black women don’t talk much about Post-natal depression (PND) does not mean it is not real for them.

I won’t say I had PND but Lord knows I felt lonely, isolated and blue when my sweet bundle of joy arrived.

Friendship
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I do have a range of friends I can talk to but even some of these friendships have changed since I became a mum. Some have changed for the better and I have met some fantastic new mums but some have changed for the worse.

From some friends, I have felt the invalidation or questioning of my experience because Gem is an easy child. As a result of this, there is an associated insecurity on my part of not being able to be truly honest about how things are with Gem.

Appearances
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Doing things like my evening interior design course, having time to knit, bookclub etc might suggest I’ve got this mummy-thing well and truly sorted.

These activities in addition to blogging help to ensure that I maintain my sanity and should not be taken as signs that I’m a born A* mum.

Breast-feeding insecurities
===========================
I experienced the drama and insecurity of having boobs not effective enough to churn out enough milk for my Gem. This led to not being able to breastfeed as much as I would have liked and this still plagues me.

Hearing my Aunty tell me I should breast-feed Gem until she turned two made me feel like quite a rubbish mummy.

Future posts and thanks
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These are topics I will expand on in future posts.

In the meantime, I’d like to say well done and Thank You Rachel and other honest bloggers for being real. Your honesty and openness has inspired mine.

xx

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